At the risk of inducing titters in the audience, last night I was discussing pole width with Jane and Louise, the lovely pole fitness instructor ladies.

Apparently, it’s not about the size of your pole, it’s all about the girth. Poles in clubs are wider, which makes them easier for sitting on, but not quite so good for grip – since you can’t get your whole hand around the pole.

Control yourselves.

Actually I didn’t realise quite how dodgy all this sounded until I innocently broached the subject over Tea Break at work this morning and got several raised eyebrows. (Good job Matt wasn’t there really as I’m sure he would have had something to say about it.)

Following this of course we had further discussions about using the skin of your inner thighs to grip the pole, how dangerous it would be in these circumstances to have your flaps out, and how a wider pole could therefore be more advantageous from a gripping point of view.

And I shall say no more about that.

Last night at pole fitness (having once again almost killed myself with the warm up; there were bits that my legs just couldn’t do. I don’t know why. I told them to do the bendy-knee-to-the-floor-and-kick-back-up-again but they just flailed about) the ladies who pole did this amazing thing where they started with a Carousel spin and somehow turned around and morphed into a back hook spin, whilst still going in the same direction. Was mightily impressed.

After all that, I did actually do a little saunter round the pole, and whilst it was very nice, I did look silly and I won’t be doing it again. Probably.