World of Books, and something to amuse you all…

I’ve done an interview with the World of Books blog today – some fantastic questions that really made me think. If you’re interested in reading more about how I write and what The Wurzels have to do with anything, you can read the interview here.

The Wurzels

In other news, this blog post will be a little bit of a cop-out as I’m fairly brain-numbed this evening due to lack of sleep, so I will be heading off to a nice soak in the bath with my book (Soho, 4am by Nuala Casey if you’re interested) followed by an early night.

I wanted to share with you something interesting first, though.

As an intelligence analyst I had to read a lot of crime reports and intelligence reports – documents produced often in a hurry by people who spent most of their time chasing people, arresting idiots, getting sworn at and threatened and standing around in the rain. So occasionally there are spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, and sometimes these are funny. What can I say – on busy, stressful days in the office we took our amusement wherever we could.

After a little while I started to collect these snippets of text under the heading ‘Gems’ and pretty soon other people started looking out for them, too. I will share some of them with you this evening and I will add more under the tag ‘Gems’ whenever I find myself at a loss of something to write about.

Brace yourselves, people. These are all completely genuine:

“Police attended the address where the IP was spoken too who stated that the IP and offender had been out for the evening, to the Bowel Plex. On returning to the HA, offender was very intoxicated.”

“The inft states that between the times states there have been Florissant spiders painted on the side of vans and lorries in the yard in red, white and green paint.”

(we eventually worked out that ‘Florissant’ probably was an attempt at ‘fluorescent’)

“Jewellery was eventually located in a chester draws”

And, ladies and gentlemen, my all-time personal favourite:

“On attendance they found evidence of a cannabis factory, but no live plants remained just dead storks.”

I thank you, and goodnight….

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